![]() ![]() Tina says she always had a crush on Josh, and one night they drank stolen liquor and banged on the roof. Bernardi threatens to “kill the bastard,” but Tina reveals that “it was…consensual?” (If you listen closely, you can hear Quinn King from UnREAL yelling that if she says it a little faster maybe she can learn how to spell it.) Olivia goes to the Bernardi house and it’s revealed that Tina is indeed knocked up. That’s a pretty good reason to cut someone’s balls off.” Also, he committed murder using stuff from a high school science lab, so his resourcefulness is another thing to be proud of. Elliot is like “you murdered a mentally ill man, you sick freak” and Alec is like “but he raped my sister and got her pregnant. In the interrogation room, Alec reveals to Elliot that he’s proud of what he did. Bernardi sasses.Ĭragen blinks, taken aback. Bernardi (played by queen Debi Mazar) storms into the precinct with her delightfully authentic Jersey accent and demands to see her son. The fact that your entire right hand is bright red is a total coincidence. And immediately Alec is like “FIRE WHAT FIRE I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT A FIRE.” Sure you don’t, Alec. “You’re moving like someone lit a fire under your ass,” Munch says. As soon as Alec spots them, he runs away. The two detectives spot Alec Bernardi, a kid who works in the science lab. He doesn’t want another pretty face, just anyone to hold, or teen pregnancy. Munch and Stabler make a visit to Blessed Heart where Jesse McCartney gives them a tour of the school and randomly reveals that he and his girlfriend have made a vow of abstinence. Stabler determines this stands for “Blessed Heart High School” at remarkable speed. Stabler and Munch then discover new evidence-a lighter that says BHHS. At one point she tells Stabler to “shut his ugly face.” Although the street cleaners are human garbage, they’re innocent human garbage, as they have an alibi for the time of the murder. One is a girl with a god awful fake New Jersey accent who spits every word and calls homeless people “vermin” seven thousand times. The street cleaners fall into the trap and are taken into custody. “It’s the same crap he says every day, only louder,” Fin muses. He screams about conspiracies while Elliot and Fin watch. Munch goes undercover as a crazy homeless man to try to attract the street cleaners. The street cleaner slogan is, “if politicians won’t take care of the trash, we will.” It bears a slight resemblance to Donald Trump’s slogan, “make America great again.” I’m just saying. Aka people who beat the homeless, videotape it, and put it on the internet. No, not street sweepers: street cleaners. His son didn’t have any enemies except the street cleaners. Stabler and Munch go talk to the victim’s father, who informs them that his son’s name was Josh and he had schizophrenia. (To be honest, I kind of wonder if the writers of this episode were too.) His skin is so burnt that in order to get fingerprints she has to “juice him up,” which entails jabbing a syringe in his finger. The next day in the medical examiner’s office, Melinda reveals that the victim was incredibly drunk and high on cocaine. “Follow the bloody brick road,” Melinda the Good M.E. “Any idea where our crispy critter ran off to?” Munch asks, alliteration on fleek. Melinda then reveals that, like in the pilot, this dead man is also penis-less! “A little too well done.” It’s a little frightening how fast these people can come up with vaguely cannibalistic banter. Bitch stole Katniss Everdeen’s look.Įlliot and Munch come to the crime scene, asking “what do we got on the menu tonight?” Just then, with the most impeccable timing to ever appear on primetime television, a man on fire comes running down the street. Waiter #2 shuts that request down real quick, telling them that “the only thing here flaming is the maître d’ and he left an hour ago.” ![]() ![]() Something tells me this couple would fit right in on House Hunters. The couple discusses ordering a flaming dessert because they want to appear cultured and exotic. It’s a staple of the Law and Order franchise: mediocre acting and subpar writing are essential components of a classic opening. These people are not only the worst customers on the planet, but the worst conversationalists too, as literally every single flirtatious thing they say to each other is a gag-inducing cliche. This episode opens with two waiters talking shit about a couple on a date because they’re keeping them an hour after closing. ![]()
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